a lot has been happening,unhappening….with me, to me..for me and of course some are happening because I am making them happen ….
I have been doing a lot of thinking, analyzing…I have been observing people around me, their mannerisms and their reactions to my presence around them…some just look through me(and for people who know this secret,they know whom I could possibly be speaking about,a chuckle)
some look right into me…the vortex of all this noise and restlessness..
some try but have not been able to …with of course me shutting myself up to this happening …
and Oh!! I love the faces around me these days..not cause they are pretty faces (naah!!)..but cause they are so interesting and they all have a story behind them..
everyone was born 24 years ago,some even earlier,some later(grrr..)…everyone formed some bonds with their lives…wrote stories to narrate to the people they would be meeting along the way..everyone fell in love ,fell out of it…everyone carried a few extra baggages of their past..and for those few who did not..well ,they should gain a few extra pounds atleast( another chuckle)
I love the days and nights here at raleigh…i love the spirit of this country a lot..I don’t see sense in complaining…and baselessly accusing things to be different here,and lacking the essence of our country…I mean.that’s why it is a different land…that is why we all made such huge mental calculations in our minds getting prepared for this big event,is not it? Please do not deny and state otherwise(again, people who know me should know whom it is meant for, grin)
I love the neon lights of sammy’s tap and grill in the early mornings,the open and close signs flashing…all night long…that reminds me of sights I had seen long long back in the movie “Back to the Future-I”…I used to always want to be in such a place..where I could skate-board to happiness….be left alone and happy ,be able to sit all alone on a bench on the road side and look at everything around and not miss anyone…
I love the lil steps in my back yard,now filled with all the dead maple leaves…which broke free from the barren trees long back…where do they go,I wonder?
I love the drawn up blinds..and the sunlight filtering in through them…making tiny shapes on the carpet…
I love staying awake at night,doing stuff all by myself..knowing that I own a tiny little space ,which is all my own and I can just view the vast expanse beyond th space and not be bothered not being a part of it..
I am also sad …because I am hurting someone very good a lot..and I am not able to relate much with it…I am just being true to myself..and I don’t know if it’s bad or good or means nothing at all..
Sometimes I feel the world is moving too fast and its become all mechanical and stagnant and getting depleted of the slow movers,the ‘enjoying-the-moment’ people..
But then,I stumble upon people during the most unexpected of times,in the most unexpected of places,in the most unexpected of dinners and I feel assured….Happiness is there..it just needs a little scrapping with the nail of your little finger…its sitting there…it has always been there,waiting for us to lay our hands on it..we get lost too often..This happy feeling assures me that there is something about this world.,this earth..its not just a piece of rock which got created out of the big bang!! It was not just scientifically the favorite to support life…
It was destined ,and there is some force..no not any particular God or face that I can think of..but there is something…and that something flows through all of us..it magically changes the quality of life…If it can make sadness excruciatingly painful,it can also change that into happiness which is too large to contain..
I always make plans of what to study,what to do,how to primp myself,be sexy and graceful,do something about the flab here and there,..not forget to wear ear-rings, comb my unruly hair..and baah!! I just end up not studying,doing nothing substantial(like that which meets the need of the moment) and still look as bridget jones in her worst laundry nightmares..and forget grace..its a far cry!!
But then I see myself in the mirror and I see a happy girl smiling back at me…happy in her bad hair days,happy in her silly combination of clothes,happy with her very own flab of fat and flab of that ‘being-on-your-own’ feeling!!!
What else can a Anwesha ask for ??:)