am feeling sad..a feeling of deja vu,something I relate to when I know I am on one lonely side of the fence and the whole world is on the other…everyone merry-making…on success,the whole lot being a notch higher than where we all started.Me being there,just there.
I am not trying to make a huge deal out of it,but then I am being sucked into it.
And you know you cannot start getting angry on people for this,you know its just between you and yourself.You have only yourself to get angry on,talk to and feel abysmally low about.
I should have known,I cannot ever be one of those few blessed people,always excelling in everything.
I am the kind of girl you would rather find blogging,getting drunk in some medieval bistro,writing crappy philosophy with a feather ,dreaming away oblivious to what everyone is busy doing and achieving.
Lately nothing seems to be going right in this part of life.I mean now half of my life has been lived ,if you saw that way.Mebbe I could jumpstart and make a few changes now.Those changes could require more than just me,myself to participate in them.
They would suck a whole generation’s power out of me.You know I am not exactly jumping on a trampoline,so that I can claim for the stars.I need to hit my feet hard to get there.
I wish I really could do a lot of things I keep dreaming about.Like what was I thinking when i was dreaming of writing someday,go alone on the streets for a walk,just be…without any guilt,sit on a bench in a deserted road and blow smoke into the air,not care about what people think..of their opinions on things which would not make any change to my life in any single way…
I guess I will also end up being just one of those stories,sad,lost.One of those who wanted to but did not.Who wanted to sing,but just did not have the courage to look up and form the words..
All by myself-my song for the moment..