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god, please end this…

this perpetual stress, my inability to not get affected…and my every night silent guilt trips to down there.

So, I am sorry now, does that mean I did not like it then?

and yes,I am happy now,does that mean I should feel bad about it?

Yes,and yes I feel very very sad,bad for whatever is happening with you,because it’s because of me that you your life has turned into a mess, you have stopped feeling good about yourself and you are not looking forward to anything.And you think I am happy?I never feel sad?

My heart cries for you, but at the same time it’s happy for me in ways no one will ever understand.Yes, I made a mistake of telling ‘some people’ ,who just took things as fun and blew it out of proportion and it came right back to you.Because I cannot tell it to anyone, I am the bitch in this situation and I feel ostracized.Yet, somehow that still does not bother me as much as guilt for having let you down.But still, I do feel sad.For you, for the person you are trying to become and the person you are leaving behind in the wake of something like this.

I wish I could take a break from all this myself, from everyone and everything.Escapism is not that bad a deal now is it?

matters of the heart …so darn messed up..

such a gloomy,cloudy dark , competitive, day of lying it was.And such days,such situations make me uncomfortable and bring me face to face with the realization that I am not one of ‘those’ awesomely talented people whom other people would be clamoring for.I am rather one of those people, who can be so easily side-lined from life’s ‘big’ events, big things.

Yes, my quotes explain my sarcasm,because I do not want those things,I am happy,very content with my small ,tiny life and my speck of an existence.But being forcibly thrown into it and being made to feel bad isn’t what I want.Yes, I am still confused about my wants.I am ‘Christina’ from ‘Vicky Christina Barcelona’.God I wanted to write a review for that amazing movie and it’s lying somewhere in a pile of heap at the very back of my mind.I so much want to just skip the very important things for a day and just go for a walk on Hillsborough street, observe the sky, the busy streets, the ever moving people in their swanky cars, the twisted old man in his old rusty truck and think of new ideas in my mind.I just wish!!

and my heart wanders…to those forbidden streets,dreams and to a world free from banality..!!

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