Sitting at work.Mustering all my strength to defeat this feeling of blah and meh!!.trying to atleast fake reading a document,might have a meeting tomorrow and do not want to be under-prepared.Also lurking on the sites of an immigration board(read vj )I also contributed my thoughts on some very thought provoking posts.One of them was ‘Do you have to love the US of A?’ It was very nice to read so many posts,and I have a feeling all the women halves of a couple actually post.Some of them were just trying to express their thoughts,some I felt impose their thoughts,and some just cannot write something without offering a bit of their subtle sarcasm.But nonetheless interesting.Good that God has made each one of us so different and unique .It would be a very very boring world if we all thought alike,fought alike,fought the same,kept quiet or just looked alike.
So anyway ,that post saw some responses by people who had immigrated to the US from some very developed countries like Canada,UK,Germany and they said how not everything was rosy about the US(health-care being a raging one) and how they missed life back home.
That made me think,if I would miss my life ‘back home’.Now back home to me is different.It does not necessarily mean India.It simply means to me a very strong association to the India I grew up in,to those simpler times,when Doordarshan was the only channel,when they would play ‘Mile sur’ every so often to boost national pride,when every Sunday we would look forward to ‘Jungle Book’ and ‘Duck Tales’,and Sundays were damn special.The aroma of home-cooked savory chicken curry,coconut and mint chutneys wafting in even before you have fully woken up.I always felt me and India started to grow up together.We started out young and innocent with that child-like wonder and amusement.I always likened India to a young girl,trying to reach out but shy,and extremely delicate and beautiful.
But somewhere along the way,India just started growing in leaps and bounds.taking us all,an entire generation by surprise.It has a lot more to offer to the ever demanding children now.It has way more than just one national channel,it does not limit itself to the Jungle book no more.It airs a channel just for children,and also is fancy enough to have the option of airing it in Hindi Hindi.It is starting to burst at the seams,and yet it is just only reaching its adulthood.But with the same agonizing pace,my attachment to the India I grew up in,has started to sever.
I do not find strong reasons to clutch on to these times in the future,nothing about these days makes me stop and just gaze.It is dusty,polluted,people have grown ‘wise’ and are scrambling everywhere for a tiny bit of power,money,a house,a job!Well on the one hand it is good to see an explosion of a liberal mind set,people opening up to good ideas,not necessarily ‘Western’ (please!),and I am personally very happy to see contraceptive commercials on tv,the use of the word ‘period’ in a product meant to help during ‘those’ days and growing awareness of women to take charge of their lives.I am!(but am not a hard-core feminist,just have to clarify,cos I dislike that term).
But this all will not come to classify as ‘back home’ for me ,if and when I leave all these behind to settle in a new place,amidst new culturural settings.
I have always felt that my spirit is not ‘Indian’,or for that matter ‘American’ also.It is just not easy to define my spirit,and as before being an Indian and feeling one hold different connotations in my head.Am glad they do,makes me step outside this zone to a better perspective.
I am definitely going to miss my life and times here,in all those cramped rented houses,the bumpy scooter rides,the irresistible road side food and their potential dangers-but life here has taught me to survive in most places and am going to do a good job of it.