Everything feels the same way these days,as it used to 3 years back.Except 3 years back it was a lot better.
I am serving a notice period now.15 longish days to go and I will be done with this office.This work place has been the anti-thesis of all that I had been looking for.And a huge jolt to my spirit which is widely travelled and not confined to country,religion,culture and what have you.And let me tell you,I want to give myself ample credit for doing this.It is not easy coming back from the kind of society I lived in to the society I am in now.Everything is watched, you are a mini-celebrity stalked by media.Well except,you are just a simple middle-class girl living a simple routine life and the closest that comes to media is the ever-curios annoying aunty next door.And the one thing that works against you is your disregard for societal rules and tend to create your own.That is a problem in this set-up.Well it is not entirely exaggeration.And whosoever denies this,please stop delivering your stupid sermons living in your big Indian big city.It is all too easy a set-up!
I hate it when us Indians get so carried away with that false sense of patriotism.I am an Indian, but if there are certain things that suck about our country(hello !!corruption anyone?) then it just sucks.But what is more irritating is that people who reside in the States and better countries say these things.If you are so effing disgraced and imbalanced when some people try to be truthful ,then leave your effing swanky condos and 6 figure paychecks and come back.I am sure we would welcome back some talent.
Okay lookie here,I am not trying to say I am different,I am above being an Indian.Hell yeah I am one!!.You cannot take that away from me.Just that double-standards really irritate me.And if you happened to be an American and doing this bs ,I would still complain.It is a fact though,we Indians take these things very personally.
Anyhoo,let me just go back to those days 3 years back.I was just talking about this to one of my friends yest.How I would be enchanted with prospects of my upcoming big big trip to the states for my masters.I would google and read up stuff at work and drift away in thoughts and imagination.Some scary apprehensions, some very excited and looking forward to sentiments.I did not know what to expect.I was scared how would it be so far away from familiarity, seeing different people all at once,no Indians in the crowd, the language and accent problem.I had armed myself with a bunch of ‘Survival Guides’ in the USA.I would enjoy reading them and imagining myself in those situations and wriggling my way out.
Well ,I kind of want to take back some things that I said about my work-place.So yes,it is not the best of places to be in,for a lot of reasons.But I have made some good friends,who like me and who always remember me when its time for lunch or tea and I feel happy with them.So it is not the most happiest place on earth,but I could have been doing much worse and I want to be grateful for what I have.Plus, I can surely be less whiny 🙂
PS: Wrote this at work on the 5th of May! But all the emotions still apply as much as they did that moment.