Our little ‘extended’ trip to St.Louis is coming to an end.After an exciting road trip,spanning 5 states of America,a lot of pretty everyday sites,some regular gas station and Mac D stops,lots of excitement and anticipation of seeing Alan,Andrea and their little one year old baby Henry, and of seeing the much spoken about St.Louis by my in-laws ,it all finally is coming to a happy end.We had fun at home,hanging out with everyone,communal dinners,family talks,some girl time and good conversations with Andrea,our ritual after dinner stops and some very happy baby bonding times.It was all very cherished.
Going back to our ‘home’ now feels bittersweet.It is a little surprising for me because I really love my quiet and peaceful and bordering-on-the-boring at times Raleigh.That place holds a lot of importance in my heart ,mainly because of my association.That was the first place I moved to and made home in during my days as a Grad student in America,and that was also where I started some great chain of events,had some good experiences ,met amazing people.So it evokes warm sentiments in my heart.And I am not a big city girl really.By big city I mean a city with lots of clubs, lots of sky scrapers, swanky buildings and all that jazz.I am a small town girl,or a big city-suburb kinda girl.I like my peace ,my corner of quiet and inactivity at the end of a day to hang up my boots in and just veg out.So St.Louis as a big city had no real attraction for me.But St.Louis as a place where atleast one side of the family is and St.Louis as the place where eventually most of my husband’s family wants to retire and settle down in holds a strong reason for me to consider it.
With my mom and dad far away, and my ever longing to be a part of a big family,a network of happy helpful relatives finally having been met,I feel all the more compelled to give this city a try.
Hence the bittersweet feeling.
But you know what,home is home.For now,our home is that tiny 2 bedroom apartment ,which we are sharing with another friend,and where there id dog fur covering every imaginable corner,where the fridge is always full of beer,where that tiny counter has all my Indian food and spices stacked up dangerously,where I wake up everyday to my husband and dog and lots of little hopes and dreams.And the thought of having made a home out of that apartment makes me happy and comforted.Just like my marriage.
Yes,I love being married.It just comforts me and soothes me.I am still a very impulsive person with clumsiness written all over me,with occasional bouts of childish insecurities and extreme worries,and as a person I really have not changed much.But I am happy and grateful for the companionship.It has somehow swept away another large chunk of worries which bothered me up until last year.And like every relationship,marriage is sometimes hard and difficult to comprehend.There are days when I do not make any sense of this human tendency of having to ultimately settle down with someone.I am not saying I am a philanderer or that I am okay being a loner for the rest of my life.But sometimes being with someone makes you wonder.Just like they bring out the happiest, the funniest, the cheekiest side of you, they also can sometimes question you.
But I have realized, thinking too much at times is just not the right answer.Not for me.I just need to let go and savor the fact that I have a wonderful,slightly cheeky,extremely gentle person for my husband,that I have inherited a great whole new and big family through him who care for me equally ,and most importantly,I would much rather be upset sometimes around him then not have him in my life at all.
Just wanted to bid adieu to our dear Alan and Andrea and baby Henry for now,to this mid-western city and to this wonderful time we had here.And a photo of us to top all this off.