Today was my kind of day in my kind of city.
Rainy, cold, muggy and windy. And also a sad reminder of the emptiness that I also feel on cold nights in a foreign land, away from family.
Today was also the last day of my clinicals. Done and over with that. Roger that ! ( I hope this is how this is used.)
Day started weird. We were supposed to bring in doughnuts and juice for the CNAs of that place as a thank you. And it just completely skipped my mind. Completely. I was supposed to text my instructor to tell her if I could or could not afford to get something. I had made up my mind that I really could not afford anything extra at this point. But I forgot to text her. My instructor is not a bad person but she is weird for sure. She some times makes the biggest deal out of the smallest of things. She said it in a weird, curt way that I should have texted her.
Okay, Miss C, I said I am sorry, let us move on now ! But then she is nice the next moment, so I am not sure what to think about her. For some reason today all three of us were not mentally ready for a full day of real work – I think we three have come to the conclusion that we cannot be CNAs for a long time. All of us are still nervous. Yes, we learned a lot but we can never learn everything really. After the initial hesitation , the day ended well actually. I hugged all my favorite residents and told them I would miss them. I mean it. They represent innocence to me in the purest form. The nurse wanted to know if we were looking for jobs and if we were ,we should apply.
Then came home to my dear little Vincent and Otto. I love them so much.
Not the best of friends with John now. I am pretty annoyed really. I cannot remember what triggered it but in my anger I kept thinking of things which I felt he really does not care about, all along ! So now am angry about all those things.
And I hate to feel this way.