For some reason I am feeling extremely angry and bitter ,once again, now.
Everyone seems to suck.
I seem to know what causes this but am too ashamed/hurt/self-respectful to admit it.
Feeling left-out, not being given credit, always thinking people are talking about me and not good things and always second-guessing myself.
It is from a long line of family-inherited idiosyncrasies . I have to say this. As much as I love my family , I can now notice things from a third person’s perspective sometimes and I do not always see the best of tendencies.
Like forever reading too much into things, forever thinking we are being tested by the universe and forever are going to be at the receiving end. Or having trust issues.
But I do not want to just hide behind my blogging moniker in this virtual world and blame others for my set of problems. Why can’t I change the way I react to others if I know that there is infact a better way? Why cannot I ‘take it easy’ and ‘care less’ of others actions if that is what I sometimes feel subjected to? I could change my behavior and may be the fact that I know the answer but have been unable to do anything is what is upsetting me.
I feel tied down and helpless.
I know there is this angry demon inside my mind and I just cannot tackle this beast.
I just want to be left alone, I just want to be.
How can I exist in this society, in my own corner, without harming anyone, without feeling the need for approval from anyone and at the same time not being termed ‘self-centered’?