Have you ever wondered some days what is the meaning of all this?
This waking up, working, having a family, the want to have children, paying bills, never understanding much of the world and its going-ons, growing old, having so many problems with your body and almost being reduced to a helpless ,dependent child again and then dying?
I mean I see that there is a life to be led in between all this but what is the point?
I just feel because I have so many fucking philosophical questions all the fucking time, I make myself the person I am. Friendless. Yes, I said it. I am going to be 29 in a month and I can hardly tell you the names of 2 friends I absolutely love and who absolutely love me back. I am not counting my husband.
And it is weird because I sometimes do not feel any need myself to connect with anybody or go out and meet people. I am a home-body. I would rather stay in my pjs all day long,play with the cat and the dog, just watch ‘The Office’ re-runs with John laying on our couch without a worry or care in the world. But sometimes I wonder you know.
I just have only recently started to accept that I suck, suck at the art of making friends. I am not a sucky friend. But I just do not know how to initiate a good,long-lasting,two-sided friendship. And that I also suck so much at making women-centered conversations, I can never ever be close to a woman. It bothers me occasionally but when it does, it does a lot.
I just wish I could live my whole life without having to disengage from the comforts of my little,really little world. And the biggest challenge will be trying to stick to it while the rest of the world deviously works away at making me feel like a misfit.