I feel very lazy and I feel very spent. I just cannot seem to focus on studying. And that worries me. It seems like a pattern. I start out strong and mid-way I lose steam and end things without giving it my all. It is also not helping that I have set a very high level of expectation for myself. I just cannot seem to easily be happy with my grades. I want to keep pushing harder and I worry that this will end up being my downfall.
I have so much to study, the semester is moving into that last treacherous leg and from here on , I need some very dedicated and disciplined work. And the very exact effect seems to be taking place. I think I am feeling like this today partly because of the cold weather and also because I just finished my 3 day stint at work and this work easily burns me out. I love it but it is a lot of work too. Running around, using all your strength to push, pull, lift and to top this all, one just cannot, cannot lose it all in the face of major stress. If this job has taught me anything, it has to be to stay calm. You cannot yell, you cannot take it out on the helpless old person, you just have to do it, move past the moment and later bring it up in a lighter vein and laugh about it.
I love my job. I love my nurses. This has to be a big moment for me. To summon all my courage and make this statement that is. I have not had a job that I cared for as much and a job where I feel wanted. And not that I do it for any appreciation, but getting some helps my morale so much!
Okay, I was really talking about my school work. So much of it. I cannot seem to be keeping up and honestly I have never had spectacular time management skills. I do not suck but I don’t have anything great either. My professor seems to think I am doing great and I have so much respect for that man, am in awe of his passion for teaching. I really do not want to fail him it seems.
Well, I think it is time I do not let previous patterns dictate my performance the rest of my life. I think I can change this with my attitude and I need to not think my hands are tied. Okay, good attitude in check, let us move on now.
We went to see Paranormal Activity 4 last night. Frankly, I think I am growing a little tired of the whole video camera footage kinda movies, people getting dragged out , being thrown onto walls, loud noises and all that. I don’t even think these movies are going anywhere particularly. Like, I want to know what is that demonic presence doing exactly when people hear loud noises in their attic? Is he just stomping? I guess it was fun the first time. Even the second. And all said and done, I will go and watch the other sequels too but I think I am losing some of that initial excitement.
Well, I think I need to get back to studying about muscles for now. And here is a snap-shot of our lives in pictures !