Its me against the ‘system’

This is my spring break week. It makes no difference. Well, yes I do not have to rush to my Thursday evening lab after work and I did not have class today. But I still need to study, work on papers, worry about quizzes and all that. Although I feel myself slacking again. I go through this zeal-less phase every semester. I feel like I just do not have it in me anymore. And realizing that this is just the beginning of school is very discouraging to say the least. Yes I got myself into this because I was not ‘happy’ with my software engineer job and could barely handle all the money I could have made. Yes, I am a fool for wanting to do something meaningful for myself and be better at something that I will be spending most of my life doing. Sorry about that.

This is to all those really nosey Indian people who just do not get it. That I did not compromise like a few of them I know did.

But I still am human and I sometimes feel the pinch. The expectations of myself, my parents weigh me down.

I guess I am talking about this right now because I feel tired of how I never have enough money. I went to have an oil-change done and you know how they always try to talk you into changing your brakes, aligning them, changing air-filter, this and that and the guy told me if I did go for all that the grand total would cost me $700 + !!! Oh but this is with the AAA member price and the measly 10% discount.

Should I be glad or what?

Well, if I had all this money I would probably put down a down payment on a new car. I love our camry and am glad my in-laws sold it to us for a much affordable price, which by the way is still unpaid as of today, but I would love to buy my own car. But this is not the problem. Me not able to buy a car or not able to pay for all the services that would make the car be safer.

The problem is how much of a vicious cycle this whole set-up is. We work hard, get paid and except for a handful of people, the money is never, never enough. We pay rent, mortgage, bills, pay for food and groceries. It is just never-ending. And if I even want to buy one little thing for ourselves selfishly, we feel terribly guilty about it. I wish I could give all this the finger and just walk off to my utopia. My utopia would be a small little beautiful town by the mountains where people have time to sit and relax in the evening, where they can play cards, visit on each other, have little desires and be very fulfilled.

It does sound too good to be true even while I am describing it. But I just feel tired.

Well, I said a polite but firm No to all those grand services and just did what I went to do. I will have to eventually think of all those before the car becomes too unsafe to drive.

Just needed to get it off my chest.

Well, anyway, I got all dolled up to go to the car place. Cause I felt like. So, I curled my hair, did my simple everyday make-up routine – concealer, powder, bronzer, blush, a gold cream shadow all over the lid, liner, mascara and finally lipstick. Boom! Quick and simple.

God, just please, please give me the strength to keep calm and focus on this journey called life. I just need some divine intervention today. A sign. Something. Please.


Products used for FOTD

mac Studio Finish Concealer in NW 30

Loreal True Match Powder

Elf Bronzer

Milani ‘Mai Tai’ blush

Gold eye-shadow on lids from Revlon ‘Moonlit Jewel’

Rimmel Scandalous eye nude liner on lower water-line

Loreal gel-liner in Black

Cover-girl Clump Crusher Mascara

Covergirl ‘champagne’ eye-shadow single as a highlight

Covergirl Lip Perfection lipstick in ‘Darling’


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