I am feeling a little blah right now. We came back from a nice vacation and one that was so well-deserved. Everything went as planned. Everything was just what we had hoped it would be. May be I myself did not have any expectations because I did not know what to expect. And that is why I was just pleasantly surprised.
As eager and excited I was to see Vincent and Otto and just come back home, I was also just feeling blah. I guess it is a ritual. You take off for a bit, feel great escaping and not having to deal with work, the mundane and banal stuff and then you come back right to it. It is good and bad. Vacations cannot last forever and neither can this other state of feeling trapped.
I will bounce back. I guess I am just not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. Waking up tomorrow morning at 5:30 am just seems like a brutal reminder that this is my real life.
I just want to go in tomorrow, put in a day’s effort and come back and unwind some more.
I know there is something else bothering me. Social anxiety and that fucking approval thing too. At work, outside it, friends, family. I just really really wish for some calm and peace. I just want that entity inside me that knows all the answers most of the time, to float up and just tell me, signal me that it will be all okay.
Well, anyway, I have decided to read some books this summer. First on my list is ‘The Perks of being a Wallflower’. I love books on dysfunctional dynamics. I just do.