So I woke up this morning feeling a tad upset and bothered. Upset that I let two small cosmos get straight to my head and make me talkative and a babbling fool, more so in front of people I have never thought like me. But sometimes you tag along and go hang out with people because they love your husband and that’s what your husband would do for you. So!
I guess I just need to not hang out with people who make me feel this big. Like I am not clever enough, or cool enough to hang out with them cause I do not know the right references, cause I do not get football talk or do not know how to add a witty ‘Simpsons’ reference to every situation. I do not even feel bad anymore about not being ‘wanted to hang out with’ anymore. I just know me and this person/group will never have the right chemistry. Knowing that was great. But I guess I also need to control not letting the after-effecr guilt me. I am human and I sometimes let alcohol sway me.
And bothered? Well, I frankly don’t know what it is. But I don’t like that. Every now and then I miss my parents. I think of how fast that one month sped by. Did I spend enough time with them? That always bothers me. I get sad thinking now there is not much to look forward to and who knows when I will get to see them next. I feel like such a downer most of the time.
But then my mood changes and my hopes return when I simply look out at the sky, or see and hear an approaching thunderstorm, smell something that takes me back to some fond memory, see people making plans for the beach, imagine the beach and the waves crashing and falling- yeah, really, just like that I feel wonderful. And the cycle continues. I think it will be hard for a person like me, who has every chance of being clinically depressed, to actually stay depressed. My emotions are a riot but they are too wispy to stay a certain way for a long time.
I had a great 4 day weekend. I worked on the 4th and we had a potluck to celebrate the spirit of the fourth. It is funny how it was nothing, nothing close to a real fourth of July feast. John grilled some burgers for us, then we walked along the golf-course track eating popsicles. We then decided to go downtown for the fireworks. It was good. I enjoyed it but John said he had seen better. Traffic wasn’t the best getting out of that place but it was not too bad. I don’t think I did anything Friday other than cleaning, vacuuming and doing some house chores. Saturday was a good day. We went for a late breakfast to ‘The Flying Biscuit’ cafe. Then we went to the Farmer’s market and bought some fresh peaches and vegetables. It was good going there after a long,long time. We always decide that we are going to come here often for our produce but knowing us by now I know this might be a short-lived decision.
Oh and we also made these killer cookies. So, so tasty. God!
Then we came home and just hung out.
I tried coloring my hair yesterday. Needless to say, it went like I thought it would- a debacle. And except for a handful of hair, most of it has not changed color in the slightest.
We will be packing for a wedding this weekend in the mountains. Frankly, I am excited to just be going away and seeing all our friends, all under the same part of the sky after many many months!
Today I went to the mall. I sat on the edge of the bed to decide whether I really needed to go to the mall or not. I mean, seriously, this is how I mull over the ‘big’ decisions of life. Then, I felt bad for feeling bad about wanting to do a simple thing like going to the mall and so I did go just to spite that stupid, conscientious voice inside me. I had to buy shapers for this dress I plan on wearing at the wedding. It would expose everything if I were to bend or twirl or turn. And I did not want to moon anybody. And I cannot believe how ridiculously expensive spanx is. I mean I found that a pair of thigh-shapers is $84! Fuck! right?
I found the cheapest stuff I could and then I went to Forever21 and used up the last of my birthday gift card. I found some cute stuff. I had to decide between a few and finally got freed of having those gift cards laying around in my bag and constantly browsing through that site and deciding between things.
I have decided NO MORE impulse spending for a while now. Like, I really feel bad. I need to save up.
Have suddenly run out of steam and before I end my blog, would like to mention this new blog I discovered this morning that I am currently enjoying reading.
Back to ‘Frasier’ now!