Ya’ll know me too well! I gotta write something on my very first day of school, right? I am making it too easy for you guys .
Okay,so, I am officially a nursing student starting today!
My medication calculation test went just fine. I made more than the cut-off. Turns out though it is not so much a graded test as a where-you-stand test. So, if there are students who need some additional help they can help identify those weak areas.
After the test we began like a course orientation. We got to see who our clinical instructors will be and where we will be going for our very first clinicals. I will be going to another local hospital in my city to a cardiac floor. I am really, really excited. Nervous but excited more. I will actually be listening to patients, doing a tad more than what I do now and putting together things I learn in school and using those skills in clinicals.
There were so many eager and enthusiastic faces. All brimming with hope and excitement. I was skimming through the class and thinking of what the next 2 years will be like growing together and surviving this challenge together. The program seems to be well-organized for the most.
My problem is people skills. I just need to hold on to all my belief systems and faith that I can flourish amidst people without anyone just outright rejecting me. My past patterns of my inability to make and more importantly, sustain friendships is making me withdraw into myself. I have been having important talks with myself about how I, I am making this a pattern and how my thinking and fears are compounding the problem.
I want to do well in school but I also want to make friends along the way. I am not here to not make friends, to not learn from others, to be threatened by others personally and professionally. I have flaws but I am not someone who deserves to not have friends. I am here to learn and enjoy.
Dear universe, just please give me enough strength to not fall back into this trap and to just hang in there and keep swimming when I find myself sinking.