Day 7. I think I am missing home. My home, my life there, the life we have created for ourselves there complete with animal love, animal fur, chaos of juggling school and work with a little bit of time to ourselves, the stress of living under a tight budget and the occasional blame-game. But that is my life now and I have grown fond of it. I think I am also missing America.
At the cost of sounding snobbish to some and utterly truthful and honest to myself, I have realized I just cannot live here anymore. I just cannot. Kudos to you if you can after having lived in somewhat better conditions. Props to you if you handled a transition of this sort without even battling an eyelid. I guess I am not strong enough for that. I used to live here just fine but now is a different time and a different me. I am a different kind of spirit and sadly, India is not ‘my’ kind of place. Yes, I still love what it means to me. Heck, I grew up here,spent a good 24 years of my life. But it is a love best preserved from afar.
Today for some reason I am reminiscing the days I spent at home before flying out to the US for the first time in 2007 for a much different adventure, one that is a lost cause in the practical and useful sense but not at all in the big picture sense. I was so starry-eyed and so eager to see what that new land would be like. What would it hold in store for me. A big degree? A good job? Lots of traveling in packed Indian herds to the popular tourist spots. Pictures of me rubbing shoulders with Lady Liberty herself popping up on my facebook feed may be? Or may be a rude awakening that this whole thing was not for me, that I am not as intuitive technically as the nerdy boy next door who relished the idea of staying up all night coding with a cup of tea and a packet of cigarettes at hand? Or may be lots of wonderful memories for venturing out of my comfort zone, meeting lots of people and one of them being my future husband?
Wow! I feel so safe now reminiscing from a distance the strange twists of life. It was unnerving and a time fraught with uncertainty while I was there, in that moment, living it. But right now, it feels like a feel-good movie- one that ended just as a typical romantic dramedy built on the happy, magical formula, should.
Looking back, my life does seem quite awesome.