Not my crowning moment…yet

So, I had an okay week.

Well, I am half-lying. I am kinda looking back at yesterday and now it does not seem half as bad but I had a rough Saturday evening. I was doing okay but I was just not getting closure on some of my big issues. Even the advises and getting stuff off my chest talks with my husband were not completely resolving it. I needed a big, big crying it out moment. And, it happened Saturday evening. I just could not bear the heaviness and emptiness any longer and I just clutched myself and cried. I hugged my husband and just cried till I could no longer breathe right and till I had no more tears left. I just felt like an orphan. My only best friend-my husband.

He sees my point. He gets why I feel this way and for now this is helping me. I just need someone to see why I feel the way I feel and how it is affecting me.

I asked him if it was okay with him if I just removed his mother from my Facebook account and he said I could do whatever made me less upset. This might sound utterly childish- this whole Facebook and being friends on Facebook business. But it affects me every time I go there and not matter to her. Or to any other person. I just am not able to deal with this gracefully enough. May be when I talk to a therapist, take my Prozac and Lithium and feel better, I will deal with these things without having to go the childish route of unfriending someone. But, I feel good. Nobody will notice and nobody will care. So, its alright.

And, I have had this realization over the past some years, which is now resounding loud and clear since yesterday, that I might not have done a lot of things right, but I certainly married right. I married the perfect person for me and I could not have done the more right thing.

Thank you so much for holding me and letting me just cry on your shoulder last night and the many other undocumented nights. It means a lot to my fragile ego that I have someone who loves me despite the ugliness and bitterness.


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