I am having a good relaxed week folks. I had a long and by long I mean, LONG clinical day on Wednesday. It was my first mother-baby rotation. I was so, so nervous the night before. I had no idea, no reference point and felt terribly under-prepared. But after the first couple of hours of feeling lost, I was able to figure out what was expected of us and what to do. Plus, I am happy with my current clinical instructor. I think she is type A personality, a bit OCD if you may, but she is a good instructor and is not out to ‘get’ us. I also have a good team of all girls. They are fun to hang out with and talk to.
We had our first test on Monday. I did well. I just keep aiming for that elusive 100 but I think I am being way, way too hard on myself. It has come to a point where I am happy with a 98, just not that happy. It has to be a 100. Even a 101 will not do. I am stupid and that is the perfectionist side of my personality.
I am looking forward to the weekend. I have not studied any since Monday. We only covered a little bit since the test, so I am lacking motivation. I took up a tutoring assignment. I have always thought of myself as someone who would enjoy teaching, hence one of the eventual goals of my life being to be a nurse educator. So I decided to tutor a first semester student to see if how I feel about it.
We had our first session this afternoon. We only met for an hour and we went over a few questions but I really felt at home. I forgot everything and everyone for that one hour while I was trying to help her problem solve and figure out how to approach a question. I felt alive. I hope she also benefited from today. I sincerely hope so cause that is a big measure of how well you did as well. I am going to have a couple of sessions next week as well and not only is this a good experience for me, it also pays a bit. But honestly, money was not the motivating factor in this decision. I just really wanted to share some of my test taking skills with someone who is struggling. Not saying I am the best thing that happened to her and stuff, but everyone has a unique perspective to share.
Anyway, today as I was driving back home, I had an epiphany. And most of my epiphanies are not epiphanies in the real definition. Like, I do not stumble upon a new truth. I just suddenly gain clarity on an existing one but one that I did not look upon as something that deserved its own special moment. As I was thinking of tutoring, of all the animals that need our help and of the lower socio-economic class who have just been dealt a unfair hand, I was thinking of how I could help. Just help someone some way. And I thought, life has to be lived for a bigger purpose,a bigger cause. It just cannot be about oneself, or your immediate little circle. It has to be bigger than that. I am seriously considering getting involved. I just do not know what. And I know I am more interested in saving animals, seeing them get treated correctly. I also want to work with mentally challenged people. I really need to do something about my altruism.
And yes, while I feel/felt those big, powerful emotions, I am still a girl at heart and I too have little materialistic desires every now and then. So, on that note, here are some of my favorite things. In no particular order.