Okay, so, I have been wanting to write about this day, this moment for a while now because honestly, I enjoy reading my own old blog posts a lot and I want to treasure this moment.
We started having serious talks about starting a family back in Nov-Dec of 2014. I think I even mentioned in one of my posts back then that I wanted to start trying right then but after calculating how long it could possibly take us to get pregnant and then adding 9 months to that (back then I thought of it more in months term than weeks), the timing just was not right with school.
So, we decided to time it for some time in March-April of 2015 so that even if we did get pregnant on our very first month of trying, I would still be done with school. I got off my BCPs in mid-Dec after talking to my doctor. I figured it might take a while for it to get out of my system since I had been on it for two and a half years. I had heard that sometimes people got pregnant the first month off but I decided I was done with them for other reasons as well. So, we started really trying trying in March of this year. But I had a dental surgery scheduled right when I was ovulating that first month. My face was swollen and my gums were all sore and bleeding. Not really something that turned me on or put either of us in the ‘mood’. So, even though we did try, it was not really our first month in the real sense .
In April, we started again. I got all sorts of tips and tricks from friends/colleagues/the internet and we just wore ourselves out during my fertile week. That month was a major let down when we were not successful. To me it seemed like month 2 of failure even though it really was month one. That did not matter. The thing was, we had not been able to get pregnant.
When you are new to this process, you always go in thinking your eggs and your partner’s sperms are just the most magical and strongest of them all. You think they can just wiggle their way through any obstacle to meet that one shy egg that is shyly making its way down the Fallopian tube, and do their thing and boom! That egg is fertilized like it was nobody’s business. You do not go in thinking it will take many tries or that you are blessed with just average performers.
Either way, I was way too disappointed by just two months. I hated going on forums and checking on the desperation of other women who were trying equally hard. It was all fine until one of the desperate women hit the jackpot and graduated from the ‘Trying to get pregnant’ forum to the ‘Yipppie, I am pregnant (and you aren’t)’ one.
In May, I, being the less positive of the two of us, had already given up before we even started trying. Do not have my attitude. It sucks. My husband pushed us to exercise a bit. I had just started my summer vacation and so I was in a relaxed mood. I was kind of half-heartedly trying that month. We tried the SMEP (please do google it) but not down pat. Just whatever we could do. I had no expectations honestly.
Then, my birthday rolled around and I was in a splendid mood. I had a drink or two and a yummy birthday shot to celebrate being 32. Getting pregnant could wait.
The next day I woke up around 8:45 and decided since I was 5-6 days away from my period and had a test laying in the bathroom cabinet, so, why the hell not! John had just stepped out to walk the dog, so even if nothing came up, he would never have to even know.
I peed on the stick and waited with feigned nonchalance for it to turn stark white, as usual. And lo and behold, a faint second line appeared within the time-limit. I had to strain my eyes to see it. I was like “Holy Shit! Is this it?” I was shaking a bit with nervousness. I then ran out of the house to intercept my unsuspecting husband. I walked up to him pretty calmly, even though my heart was palpitating and told him “Hey! I think we might have to start buying decaf coffee from now on for me.” His expression was so sweet- it changed from a puzzled look to one of “really??”. We went back home and to the bathroom to look at the test again. And he said “Oh Yeah!!That’s a line for sure!” We did not react the way I have read many couples do-like tear up, hug each other, immediately look into each others eyes and be all swept away in love. We actually went out to walk the dog, still in a daze and still in awe of what had just happened. It was surreal. And then, the first big thing we did was set out to buy a couch. Yeah, that’s right! That was our grand way of welcoming a new big change in our lives.
That was May 25th. And here we are today…21 weeks pregnant and very, very grateful everyday for a healthy fetus. I love our fetus already, so much!