The voice said “Write”, so I wrote..

This is more of a writing exercise for me. A forced one. I need to write so that I do not lose myself which seems to be happening so easily.

Umm..okay, what am I doing? I am trying my hardest to study for exam number two on Monday. I have been extremely bad about studying for this test and I am really nervous. Lots of sick time and general lack of motivation are the top contenders of my blame game.

It is also very gloomy outside. Again. We had may be 2 days of sunshine. It is starting to affect me. My faithful friend, depression, is all decked out in her most colorful and gaudy attire, teasing me, playing with my mind. Plus, I have a LOT on my mind. I have not been able to work in a while and that is not good because the lack of a  paycheck is a terrible place to be in. I have some job interviews lined up but I am very skeptical of how things will work out with the timing of my delivery and job start dates. I am upset that my husband is so sick. It is breaking my heart to see him struggle to breathe. I just feel uncomfortable. Like, something is not right.

You know that feeling, right? I have exactly 2 more months of school left. I would have been overjoyed at that realization but right now I am just not able to. But I know I do want school to be done. Just over.

We had a good trip to Missouri to see family. Except the drive to and fro was awful. It physically and mentally scarred me. I am never doing that 15 hr road trip ever again. But it was good to see everyone. This trip however has left me more upset with my MIL. I just cannot explain anymore. Its too complicated and it is weighing on my conscience to write about her like this, cause you know she is my husband’s mother and she has cancer and you know how you are automatically a saint when you have cancer.

I might address that some other time.

In pregnancy news, I am 23 weeks now. One week away from viability. Baby boy is just so so active. I love it! But I hope he is more mellow when he is here with us. We are mellow and quiet people. He might have to adjust to his parents temperament.

This was my 22 week picture.
This was my 22 week picture.

Anyway, back to studying I must go. My world will crumble if I do not address the many worries in my head.


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