Left the bed at 10 this morning after tossing and turning and debating for an hour.
Walked the dog. Sterilized some more baby bottles. Ran the dishwasher. Ran a load of laundry.
Read some blogs. Surfed the inter-webs.
Took a quick shower. Made some dosas out of a ready-made batter, made another cup of light chai, just like how Indians love their snacks.
Really not looking forward to even this short 4 hr CNA shift I picked up at work, for which I will have to get ready soon.
It might be my last shift as a tech and my last on my beloved floor. Bittersweet.
Our house looks like the amazon warehouse. Boxes sitting everywhere. Guest room still a mess. I am not able to single-handedly sort through everything. There are some bigger things I need help with and the husband has been busy at work. The only times I have him all to myself are the weekends. And I feel guilty about asking him to just do house-work when he deserves rest and relaxation too.
As much as I am excited and eager to have my baby, I also feel sad that the last 3 weeks of us just being us, a couple, has been nothing short of busy and less quality time spent together. I will miss the carefreeness of us as a couple. I never felt like I was ‘married’. I just always felt I was living with my best friend, sharing our lives with a handsome cat and dog and the worries and pressures of the world could just suck on this carefreeness.
Life will change for us. In a big, big way. In a good way. I am SO excited to meet my son. I cannot stress this enough. I want to hold his little hand and fingers and admire the shape and contours of his face. I want to see him blink his eyes and squirm. I never thought I was very maternal and I still have doubts. I wonder if we will bond instantaneously and let’s be honest about this. Just because I am a woman and will be a mother soon does not mean I will just pass smoothly on to this new role. I might have some issues with this transition and that is fine. I want to soak in every bit of this transition and learn motherhood my way.
And this peaceful oneness moment I was having with my soul just got shattered by the soft yet evil sound of the washer announcing the load is done, come empty me slave!