my doings and be-ings

Left the bed at 10 this morning after tossing and turning and debating for an hour.

Had coffee.

Walked the dog. Sterilized some more baby bottles. Ran the dishwasher. Ran a load of laundry.

Read some blogs. Surfed the inter-webs.

Took a quick shower. Made some dosas out of a ready-made batter, made another cup of light chai, just like how Indians love their snacks.

Really not looking forward to even this short 4 hr CNA shift I picked up at work, for which I will have to get ready soon.

It might be my last shift as a tech and my last on my beloved floor. Bittersweet.

Our house looks like the amazon warehouse. Boxes sitting everywhere. Guest room still a mess. I am not able to single-handedly sort through everything. There are some bigger things I need help with and the husband has been busy at work. The only times I have him all to myself are the weekends. And I feel guilty about asking him to just do house-work when he deserves rest and relaxation too.

As much as I am excited and eager to have my baby, I also feel sad that the last 3 weeks of us just being us, a couple, has been nothing short of busy and less quality time spent together. I will miss the carefreeness of us as a couple. I never felt like I was ‘married’. I just always felt I was living with my best friend, sharing our lives with a handsome cat and dog and the worries and pressures of the world could just suck on this carefreeness.

Life will change for us. In a big, big way. In a good way. I am SO excited to meet my son. I cannot stress this enough. I want to hold his little hand and fingers and admire the shape and contours of his face. I want to see him blink his eyes and squirm. I never thought I was very maternal and I still have doubts. I wonder if we will bond instantaneously and let’s be honest about this. Just because I am a woman and will be a mother soon does not mean I will  just pass smoothly on to this new role. I might have some issues with this transition and that is fine. I want to soak in every bit of this transition and learn motherhood my way.

And this peaceful oneness moment I was having with my soul just got shattered by the soft yet evil sound of the washer announcing the load is done, come empty me slave!



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